Supporting Someone with Disordered Eating

Disclaimer: These points are most helpful/supportive for me, but will be unique to each person struggling with this disorder.

I have searched for the perfect blog post to describe how to support a loved one who is struggling/living with disordered eating, and I could not find what I wanted. I was trying to find a blog post that best described me, and that was not possible... because every person dealing with this has unique triggers, and unique ways they feel supported. The real way to truly understand how someone feels most supported is to have an open conversation with them. (Hard, I know)

Without further ado, here is my personalized list for supporting someone dealing with Anorexia specifically:

1. Eating together

I have found that creating a safe space for a meal with someone else has been huge. Eating a meal together with someone else is already a great form of connection. But, someone dealing with an eating disorder can easily feel trapped and alone in this fight. Doing that one thing that is hard to do, with someone else, creates a feeling of safety, and that we are owning this together.

2. Do not comment on weight

Someone who is recovering from Anorexia, or dealing with coming back to a healthy place in general with an eating disorder is well aware of the fact that their body is about to change. It is extremely uncomfortable to try to gain weight, and get back on track. Because of the body dysformia, we can't even clearly see what we look like. Using words like "strong" or "toned" are good. But, saying words like "you are filling out," or "you're gaining weight" are huge triggers. (Obviously) It is already an uncomfortable/scary process, and we want to feel strong in the journey.

3. Watch for safe foods

"Safe foods" are exactly what you would expect... foods that we feel safe eating. People in my life know exactly what foods I feel okay eating, because I generally eat the same things all of the time. I am a routine person. So, because they watch for those items, a lot of the time they will have those foods around to make me feel comfortable. I eat popcorn as my nightly snack every night, and my close people know that well enough to have it available when we are hanging out. This shows that my people care enough to pay attention and understand those small things that make me feel supported.

4. Take the time to listen to what's going on in their head

Someone dealing with disordered eating can feel extremely mis-understood most of the time. Because this disorder is very very unique to each person, and people generally don't feel comfortable talking about it, I know I can feel very alone in the journey. I am a very open person, so I make sure to tell my people when I am feeling like I'm having a "bad food day," so they can support me the way I need. But, I understand that not everyone is okay with sharing those parts of themselves. Being available, and asking questions, is huge for the one struggling with this. Taking the time to listen, and hear what is going on in their head, instead of assuming... brings a sense of care.

Coming first hand, I know this is a scary disorder to journey through, and we need our people! I know I have even had to tell my people that something they said, or did, triggered me.. and that is okay. Being open to learn/understand means the world.

We don't need/expect you to be perfect, we just need/expect you to be there.