If you were to write out the things you say to yourself in a day, how would that look on paper? I would NEVER say some of the things that I say to myself, to someone else. So, why is it okay to be a jerk to myself, yet so kind to everyone else? Would you look at one of your friends and say "wow, you are such a mess up," if they screwed up? Would you look at someone and say "you look so chubby today, what is wrong with you?" I would hope not. We can be so mean to ourselves. We can keep it so hidden and tucked away in our thoughts. But, what if you had to write it out, exposed, for everyone to see? I think you'd be pretty surprised with how that list looked.
When I was seeing a counsellor about a year ago, when my overall wellness journey started... the first question she asked me was "well, how do you talk to yourself throughout the day? How do you feel about yourself?" In that moment, I started to tear up. No one had asked me that before, and I was not okay with how I felt in that moment. I felt sick to my stomach. I was known as the most encouraging person, yet my day was spent putting myself down. How was I supposed to kill it at my goals, and pick myself up, when I wasn't even encouraging myself along?! Yes, you need to be able to count on your people, but you sure as heck need to be able to count on yourself too.
That session was a kick-start to my mission of "truly liking myself." I think it says a lot about a person if they enjoy spending time alone. I am 1000% a people person, and if you know me, you know I would love to be around people most of the time. But, its important to me to prioritize time for me. I used to be terrified to spend time alone, because I didn't like hanging out with myself. How did that change? Self-talk. I legit had to learn what I liked about myself, and run with them. It is not easy. It was almost like I was being introduced to myself as a person all over again, and I started to truly get to know myself.
So, let's apply self-talk to my daily. My self-talk is a huge reason why I have the ability to push myself in my running. I have the theory that if you give yourself the space to think about "IF" you think you can do the run that you have committed to, you are already 80% checked out. I used to give myself a nice little buffer safety blanket, where I would decide right before if I felt like going to the big runs that were on the schedule. Let me tell you, if you are on the fence of a hard 25k run... there is a good chance you are not going to "feel like" doing it the morning of. So, don't give yourself that space of a choice. Show up. Tell someone you'll be there, and follow through. I mean, be smart... don't set out on a 50k run if you truly are not at that place in your training. But, don't give yourself an "out." The fulfillment you feel by even TRYING what is in front of you, is better than how you will feel by staying at home because you weren't sure. Show up anyway. I have said this before, but time and time again, I surprise myself.
The same things you would say to your people if they were feeling discouraged, worn down, etc... normalize saying those things to yourself. In that same session, my counsellor went on to explain the neural pathways that are created with our thoughts. We truly base the way we feel about ourselves, or a situation, by the thoughts that are pulsing through those pathways. A brand new pathway can we made the more that those new thoughts are being planted. Slowly, the old thoughts, or hurts, start to fade away. The new pathways get stronger. Obviously there will be moments where you end up back in your old pathways, but the key is to not let yourself sit in it. When I think back to the pathways that used to control my life, I can say that I don't think that way about myself anymore. It takes work, and dedication. But, I vowed to start being just as kind to myself, as I am to other people. THAT is the game-changer.
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