Things do not always go as planned. That is an understatement. If anyone else has experienced the "pit in the stomach" feeling of disappointment... you know there's nothing quite like it. It really is one of the most heavy feelings out there, in my own experience. As a little girl, I loved to hear my dad tell me stories that he would make up on the spot for me. But, often, he would find himself interrupted by me saying "no, that's not how it goes!" He would reply with, "what do you mean? I am the one making it up!" That right there is me in a nutshell. I love a story. I love timelines. I love the journey. But, sometimes we can get too caught up in the "that's not how it goes," and miss the "where it's headed."
As mentioned before, I went through some of the most disappointing/traumatic few months about a year ago. Without going into details, mostly every part of my life was turned upside down. I was very tempted to sit in that, and mope about it. Yes, I allowed myself to feel, and truly experience the pain. But, the game changer was what I did with that pain. We have a choice to either let disappointment, and pain, keep us in a hold. Or, we choose to re-build, and let that pain fuel our fire. I'll be honest, I did not expect myself to be the second of those options. I would not have described myself as a "strong woman." But, boy, did I prove myself wrong.
Re-building is tedious, and it's uncomfortable. It's truly an every day, every moment, every decision type of process. I was telling my hairdresser yesterday that "everyone says they are going to take time to work on themselves, but dang when you finally do... it feels pretty freaking good." Re-building means you need to own your part in the trauma, and you have to look some pretty big insecurities straight in the eye. This does not mean that you are putting yourself down because of the trauma, and insecurity.. but you aren't running from it. Because I chose the uncomfortable route, I can stand today saying confidently that I am different because of it. Because I let the pain fuel the fire, I truly know that I deserve good things. I would almost expect disappointment, and hurt, before. Almost as if I was welcoming it into my life, and allowing people to treat me however they pleased. I was setting myself up for failure emotionally.
I often hear people say, "I know what I deserve but why do I still let people hurt me?" I was also one of those people that used to say that. I know you have heard this a million times, but personally, I think it comes down to being complete on your own. If we are talking relationships, having someone else by my side is just an added plus now. That would just make life even better than it already is for me. But, NOT having someone by my side, does not mean that life is worse. Watch how much power someone has over your happiness. That was huge for me. If your joy, happiness, completeness, etc.. is dependant on someone else, that is a dangerous slippery slope. I was caught in that big time, and boy did I learn quick. Hurt and disappointment is no joke, but see if you can point that to lighting a fire for what you deserve in your lifetime.
Owning what you deserve, means that you ACTUALLY need to believe that you deserve good things. Sounds pretty simple eh? It is crazy what starts to shift in how you let people treat you, what your daily outlook is like, and how exciting the future can really be... when we believe we deserve good. Our expectations are higher all around.. for ourselves, for others, for our priorities. If you wake up and take that stand for yourself, watch what starts to shift in your everyday attitude.
"I deserve good things."
I will be starting my day with that statement, and I'd love for you to as well. Let's build some new healthy neural pathways. :)
